The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
