OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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