In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
