My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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