At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
