i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
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