:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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