My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
Mom said you looked used
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
