I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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