Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
