I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
