Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
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