You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Randomize
