Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
That man makes my giblets tingle
Congrats? I think?
Randomize
