If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
