Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I looked at my own cervix.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
