well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Randomize
