Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
