They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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