I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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