He asked to "fluff my boner.."
can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
