I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
