If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
