I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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