Sry I called you an 8
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
