I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
No subtext here. People are naked.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
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