sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
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