a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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