I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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