So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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