Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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