So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
you never un-have a 4some
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
