He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
