And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
