My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
