there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
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