I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Randomize
