Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
They should really pass out barf bags in church
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
