Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
