If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Randomize
