I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
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