is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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