yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
