are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
