and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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