Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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