Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
