I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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