is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize