dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
Randomize
