well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
