My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
