You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
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