Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
