She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
