You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
