Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just googled if crying burns calories
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
