Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Randomize
