Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize