She is in my trunk
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He felt like a one man threesome
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
