We're like a lot better than the average bears
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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