Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize