Buhtt sex?
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
Randomize
