And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
Randomize
