You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
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