Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
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