Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Never joke about your clitoris.
Randomize
