I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Randomize
