i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I am naked and annoyed.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
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