I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
He passed out mid-signature
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
