party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
