So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
