If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
